Building Strong Foundations: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship

Boundaries are often misunderstood, or looked at with some kind of negative connotation. In reality, boundaries aren’t harsh lines that keep people out. Rather, they’re clear expectations that let others know what you will and won’t do, and what you will and won’t accept.

Of course, some boundaries can be more rigid than others — that’s up to you, especially in your relationship. Don’t feel like setting boundaries in your relationship will somehow keep your partner at a distance. When healthy boundaries are implemented and respected, it can actually bring you closer together.

But how can you set those boundaries the right way to ensure you’re creating a strong relational foundation?

Explore Your Reasons

If you’ve decided boundaries are important to you (and they should be), the best thing you can do is to develop an understanding of why you want to set certain boundaries, and what they mean.

That can require digging a little deeper into your own needs, wants, and values. Maybe you were hurt in past relationships and you want to set boundaries to ensure the same things don’t happen. Maybe you have issues stemming from childhood that require boundaries to help you feel secure.

Whatever the case, having an understanding of your boundaries can make it easier to feel confident in them. You’ll also be able to explain them to your partner more clearly and effectively. Consider starting with a few boundaries and seeing how they feel for both of you. Again, they don’t have to be harsh lines. They can be flexible and changed or adjusted over time.

Remain Consistent

While boundaries can change, that doesn’t mean you should “let things slide” when a partner oversteps or blatantly disrespects a boundary.

Everyone makes mistakes and if your partner accidentally crosses a line, you can talk to them about it and work through things. But don’t allow yourself to put your boundaries on a sliding scale for someone else’s comfort. Don’t set firm boundaries and then tell yourself it’s okay when your partner consistently tries to loosen them.

Consistency will help to ensure you feel safe and secure. It will establish a greater sense of respect in your relationship, and ensures the things that are important to you remain clearly established.

It’s Okay to Be Alone

Whether you live with your partner or not, carving out some alone time each week is an important boundary to put in place for several reasons. You might think that wanting more time alone would put a wrench in your relationship. But, it’s likely to have the opposite effect.

Spending an hour or two alone each week can encourage self-care practices. Spend it doing something you genuinely enjoy, and something that promotes your well-being.

Alone time can also help you reflect on your relationship and the things you want, the things you’re grateful for, and what you and your partner can do to foster greater communication and intimacy. Being alone doesn’t mean there’s a problem in your relationship. It means you’re secure enough to spend that time apart and focus on yourself, too.

Talk to Someone

Again, there are still plenty of misconceptions surrounding healthy boundaries. There’s also a fine line when it comes to putting them in place. If you’re not careful, your boundaries could start to dictate how your relationship functions.

To ensure that doesn’t happen, it’s essential to make sure you know what healthy boundaries look like, why they’re important, and how you can implement them into your relationship to benefit both you and your partner.

If you’re interested in learning more or looking for someone to talk to, please contact me to set up an appointment soon.